In 1989, Ezra Taft Benson wrote an article called “Beware of Pride”. I have known about this article since High School but honestly, I haven’t read it since back then. I just assumed I knew the information it and didn’t need to read it again. I was wrong. Quite wrong (and its ok to be wrong, it means I am trying and learning). In this article I was reminded how much of my life has been spent being prideful. “The Proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not (Benson, 1989). How many times have I felt this in my heart and have wondered if I am important enough? I am a 44-year-old woman and still struggle with this sometimes. Its my pride. It’s believing those ugly thoughts about what I think someone is thinking about me that have held me back from believing God’s view of my worth. Am I waiting for someone to tell me I am important enough? Even if someone shouts it at the top of a roof and proclaims, I am of value, will I believe it? History says I will not believe them, because it hasn’t happened yet. However, my brain understands that negative others view of me is of little value, but it is my heart that must trust and believe. And I know that heart matters must be dealt with ever so gently, because many times they involve my past and that is where unhealed wounds are kept waiting to be addressed, let out, and healed by God’s truth.
Another point I want to make is to address the notion of being wrong. This article on Pride also addresses how it may feel to be wrong. “The proud are not easily taught. They won’t change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong (Benson, 1989).” This. This right here is important for me to remember. I grew up in an environment where I felt shame for being wrong. I was unintentionally taught this. It’s important to learn that being wrong is not a bad thing. It is just something to learn and grow from…. Just like the rest of life. Making a mistake is normal and a natural part of life but it does not make you or I fundamentally flawed. We may have done something that is bad, but it does not make us wholly bad. Making a wrong choice is a good thing when we take that learning and make it into something better.
And so this goes in marriage and relationships. There will come a point when we hurt our spouse’s feelings. It’s important to acknowledge our fault in the hurt and to make amends and say we are sorry. It can feel good to make amends and help heal what was hurt. I have found that most people are happy to forgive and want to reunite again in love.
Dear reader, don’t let your pride get in the way of saying you’re sorry. Its ok to say sorry. We all make mistakes and if someone does not forgive you, that is on them and they are missing out. Make sure to tell your loved ones how much you love them. Show them you care. Be willing to admit you made a mistake, it is hard, but really can make a huge difference. Be honest in your tender feelings and communicate all that needs to be said. Relationships are tough, but the joy we can feel from true intimacy is so worth it. And another reminder, there is not a magic event or some fabulous comment someone can say or do that will make you have more confidence or love yourself more. The confidence you are wanting, is already within, it’s where God dwells inside of each of us and whispers to us our real worth. That is where I have found the self-worth that is lasting and doesn’t constantly drip out of a leaky bucket. I know who I am, right straight at the heart level, and it feels oh so good.